Just another sensation

I wanted to talk today about an aspect of Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective disorder that is not talked about much (i dont know why, maybe because it’s not acknowledged much or something?). Sensory integration dysfunction (also known as sensory processing dysfunction). Until a couple of days ago, i didnt know this even had a name, let alone that other people suffered from it. I knew it was a problem in autism, but not one for Schizo stuff too. SID affects the way your brain processes sensory input, resulting in problems with various sensations. Sufferers can have problems with textures, sounds, light, tastes and other things too. It can even cause things like hyperactivity/ inactivity, changes in energy levels and many other things.

It often comes and goes, although in some cases it is consistent all the time. Im lucky, for me it comes and goes, i have good and bad days with it. On a good day i have almost no problems (or at least none that im not practiced at dealing with), on a bad day everything bothers me. The issues i have with this are:

• I hate being touched. I love touching people, things, animals etc, but i have a general dislike of anyone/ anything touching me. Especially light, tickling touches, i absolutely despise being tickled. To me, there’s a reason tickling was used as a form of torture. I’ve come to the point where i dont grimace if those i care about touch me, but i still get annoyed if Josh or anyone tickles me, or touches me in a way that i perceive to be irritating. I also am what Josh jokingly calls “a delicate little flower”. Sometimes even the lightest touch can cause me pain, resulting in me shrieking in pain from a light dig to the ribs or whatever. Makes me look like a bit of a drama queen, haha!
• I dont like a lot of clothes, socks or shoes. My feet have to be covered no matter what, most of the time i want my feet covered so i tend to wear house shoes or socks when im in the house, but they have to be the right ones. Clothes never seem to fit right, even when i was thin. Collars choke me, i always felt like the seams were in the wrong place etc etc. Plus i hate wearing layers, i feel like im suffocating under all the clothes, even if im not hot.
• And now the biggie: oral defensiveness. I cant handle things in my mouth, from certain foods (the taste and/ or texture has me gagging and shuddering) to most implements. I’ve been known to buy and use plastic utensils because they taste and feel of metal in my mouth is too much, and going to the dentist is torture for me. I take very good care of my teeth because going to the dentist gives me the horrors. All the implements in the mouth, plus the dentist’s fingers, funny-tasting toothpastes that they use (which is also gritty-ugh!), it’s pretty much my idea of hell. I’ve had my teeth professionally cleaned once, and if i can go the rest of my life never repeating the experience i will be perfectly happy. Oddly enough, though, i have my tongue pierced and it’s never given me any problems. In fact, my mouth feels odd without it, so that’s weird. Food can be a real problem, though, as i can go weeks only wanting to eat a certain type of food, which is hell for my diet, and for those around me who dont want to eat the same thing day in, day out.
• I also cant tolerate loud noises, bright lights or strong smells, but again i have learned over the years how to not react to them in a way that people will notice.

I think it is interesting that this is considered part and parcel with the whole Schizo thing, for years i thought i was just weird about certain things, i never even thought for a second that it might actually all be connected. The only reason i found out is because i am currently going through a bad phase where i dont want to eat much because everything tastes/ feels weird, and i decided to google it. Google threw up some links to SID, and a bit more  research found that it is associated with Schizophrenic disorders.  So it’s interesting from that angle.

In other news, my brain is relatively quiet. The odd voice here and there, nothing i cant handle though. My apathy is dreadful, though, i’ve been downing coffee like crazy just to stay awake, but im still fighting it. I have small goals that i’ve set (shower every other day, do small amounts of housework etc) and im trying really hard to stick to them. So it’s progress all round, i guess.